apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
