Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
