Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
