I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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