I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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