Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
