yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
