He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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