Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
