What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
