whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
