Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
