i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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