Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom