I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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