weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
