you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
