Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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