Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
