i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
