So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
