I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
