I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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