So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
