sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
