Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
