Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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