I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
