i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
