Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
