You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i drank out of a bidet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
