Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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