I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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