oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
