why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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