Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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