i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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