Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
