think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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