Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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