They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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