you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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