It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
two words: eviction party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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