it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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