so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
