Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
