So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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