how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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