When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
