dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
