My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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