I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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