New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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