Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pants are for mortals
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
