i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
