Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize