I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
