Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
