ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
