my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
