Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
