Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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