Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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