Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
